


i know this game

by borky



Category: AFTG - Fandom, All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, alternative universe, general AFTG warnings apply, or two, what was I thinking diving into this?, when you spend too much time thinking about two dumb idiots and write a fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2018-10-31 07:35:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10894704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borky/pseuds/borky
Summary: a universe in which Andrew and Neil ( & Mary ) meet before Arizona - many years before.if you can tell me what am I doing with this fic I'll be thankful





	1. still waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little teaser on what the world would look like if Andrew Minyard and Neil Josten met in their child years. how much would change?

There was a stranger in front of him, yet it somehow calmed him down.

Strangers seemed better than any glimpse of his original image, even if his mother disagreed with him. He heard her once, when she thought he couldn't hear. She said he was pretty even though he was a spitting image of his father with those piercing blue eyes and hair burning red.

He didn't know if she (ever) loved Nathan. Frankly, he didn't need to know. She never told him much in some feeble attempt to shield him from the roughness of the world that he knew well by watching the toll it took on her, on the remains of what was his family. Mary wasn't a horrible parent, according to Nathaniel anyway.

His gaze shifted back from the wall he'd been staring at blankly, as he was sunk in thought, to the mirror again, getting to know the stranger. His features resembled his own but the rest was tainted by the need to represent 'bare but easygoing'. They had to fit in to the crowd and look ordinary while hiding inside not to be spotted _yet_ at the same time they needed to seem friendly enough not to come off as strangers... sometimes it was too much; it brought Mary headaches, which in turn was a buzzkill for any day Nathaniel considered quiet.

Two blue eyes were now brown, nothing to make people stop and remember a person. Nathaniel liked them, especially if they were mixed with green.

His lip was bruised but it didn't hurt, only when he smiled, which didn't happen often if at all. Index finger brushed along the shape of a previously torn lip, covered in some see-through goo his mother handed him to treat the injury and get rid of it as soon as possible, especially if it was on his face. What his clothes could cover she didn't care much for but his blank image needed to be he plainest of the plain. Licking the goo resembled licking a wax rod which amused him, especially when he did it unconsciously and irritated others with it. It wasn't enough to make him smile but it lifted his mood off the ground for a while. By the time he finished his happy thought, the cream was off his lip again so he put on another layer and squinted at the mirror to focus on not eating his lip off. He could still remember the strength of the blow in his face and the sharp bark from his mother since she wasn't fast enough to tug him away from the attacker. The silent household treatment he received didn't bother him for the first time in months. 

The rest of his face didn't bother him much but the dark brown hair covering his forehead did. He had to have it grown out a little so it seemed like a bird's nest especially in the morning, or night, whenever he was woken up. Nathaniel pushed it back with his hand to reveal the rest of his forehead, eyes scanning the face in the mirror. He did so a few times before he let it be the way it was and took a step back.

His shoulders were finally getting something of a shape. He didn't spend time on his appearance before but seeing other boys his age made him wonder what his body would end up looking like once it was done developing. Girls were starting to look at him in a way he couldn't exactly define. The looks weren't malicious or judging. They looked at his face and chest, his stomach, hips and legs - it was strange to be ogled after being ignored for so many years on the run. He started noticing only after Mary warned him about these women; she knew exactly how they'd look at him, perhaps because she used to look like that at boys too at the age of fifteen. His hand instinctively brushed up from his wrist to his arm and squeezing the muscles there just like she did before. He pressed his arm harder and harder until it resembled her strength before abruptly letting go. A hint of a smile reached his eyes but his expression remained unchanged.

The plain shirt masked his figure well. It was maybe one, two sizes bigger than he probably should originally wear so the shoulder lines actually fit his shoulders but he could care less. The jeans were loose and his shoes were black, all getting along hand in hand with hoodies that finished the trademark baggy look. It was comfortable to walk around and run in, easy to hide in from looks he didn't want focused on him.

Nathaniel's head was cocked lightly to the side as he wondered who was the individual in the mirror, wondered if the person beneath the mask was ever going to come back for longer than just an act of death beneath anyone's hand or an axe... maybe a gun... a knife...

Slight panic rose within him as he tilted his face closer to the mirror as if to get a better look at the body he sometimes felt like he didn't know at all.

_Who are you?_

The knock startled him but the voice behind it contradicted his fear almost immediately.

" **Alex**. Get a move on,"

Nathaniel, Alex for now, grabbed the knob and tugged the door open, noticing his mother zipping up the bag in the background. His eyes shifted to the blonde-now-brunette in front of him and his eyes didn't need to go far.

"Suits you, AJ,"

"Apparently, it's Daniel now," Andrew remarked as he waved a hand and turned on his heel to grab his own duffel bag and trailed towards the door, waiting to feel Nathaniel behind him before leaving the shitty apartment to go look for another one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the dumb idea of 'omg but what would happen if Mary recruited Andrew when him and Neil were still kids???' appeared and.... yeah. is there more to come? probably. stay tuned.  
> this shitpiece isn't beta'd so repetitive words and grammar mistakes are all the fault of my fuzzed brain.  
> special thanks to Mela for discussing this idea with me  
> kudos always appreciated <3


	2. counting days, counting days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how do the boys act around each other since they've know one another for years? does Mary like Andrew? does Andrew like Mary? No he doesn't...
> 
> itty bitty here and there. a beloved new character appears!
> 
> I still don't know what I'm doing! yay! what a world!

Mary was leading the way from the airport gates to the rental car parked for them, speaking fluent German with one of the airport staff while Andrew stood outside with a cigarette in his mouth, aware of the pair of brown eyes approaching him. The flight wasn't too shaky but the image of an actual plane carrying _actual_ people over an _**actual** _ ocean was enough to make his body tense in a way he wasn't sure he enjoyed. There was something about the thrill which kept his pulse fast that attracted him to dangerous edges. Flights were necessary for the life they were leading now, with them moving in between the American and European continents and who knew what else was going to come for him. For fuck's sake, he might just end up in Australia too, with the snakes and alligators and spiders. He wasn't afraid of those, he just preferred not waking up to a loose alligator in the neighborhood. The visas were difficult but Mary was a woman of many skills, especially if she had a phone and could call up her 'friends'. The amount of money she possessed helped a great deal as well.

"What are you thinking about?" ~~Alex~~ Nathaniel asked, scanning Andrew's face.

 _Right now, about how obnoxious you can be_. "Australia," he shrugged before he offered the cigarette to him.

Mary didn't like it when either of them smoked but Andrew wasn't her son nor her family, she was nothing but a burden to him. He was here for Nathaniel Wesninski and whichever persona he was pretending to be. Maybe that's why Nathaniel's gaze sparked every time he offered him one. He let it go once the other took it from his hand and gazed at the civilians around. They mostly minded their own business; no one wondered why teenagers not yet of age were smoking by the airport door or that would be another scene from the bitch of a mother who was using their need to run from country to country as an excuse to be a major dickhead. Andrew saw right through her. He knew she hated it.

"Why?" Nat continued to press, knowing Andrew would make it very obvious if he was on the line. "Would you like to see the Sydney Opera House?" he passed the cigarette back to Andrew, who lifted it to his lips and took a drag before replying.

"What's interesting about a building that looks like a pile of dishes in a dishwasher?"

"Isn't that supposed to be... shells?"

"Aren't you supposed to be a redhead?"

Nat squinted at Andrew, who barely moved a brow as he exhaled smoke into the parking lot's direction. "What does that have to do with it?" he asked as he defensively crossed his arms in front of his chest but before Andrew could reply some witty remark, Mary shadowed over them and told Daniel in a neutral tone to put it away. Andrew, being the shit he is, took one more inhale of the nicotine smoke before tossing the butt into the can on his right. They had to get going anyway. He needed to stretch his back after such a long flight.

* * *

* * *

 

Mary and Andrew clashed many times but it was Andrew who kept his voice down, knowing well what effect such behavior could inflict on the boy one year younger than him. The bitch mother tested the best in Andrew but he had to admit that the fire within her was something he caught on. That's why he was five words from leaving the room. He figured that's also how Nathaniel got his sassy attitude, though he'd never met his father and didn't want to, for Nathaniel's sake.

"I'm his mother," she warned, holding Andrew's sharp gaze. He could throw knives but he got none on hand.

"That's not a justification,"

Mary knew about Andrew's past, she knew about the foster families, about the men and women who took advantage of the system and the people, knew that Andrew would never trust her and got along with her only because of their deal she intended to keep on the table. She took a step back, subtly, to give Andrew space. He didn't see it but his shoulders relaxed now that he was out of her arm's reach. Just like Nathaniel... 

_Two words to go. Two more words and I'm leaving._

"It's my obl- Andrew!"

He didn't want to hear it.

 

Andrew never went far; he didn't like being separated from Nathaniel in a way where he didn't have eyes on him but he was sure he could spot a spy, especially since he or she would have to walk past him. Since last time, Mary believed in his skill as well and believed Andrew was serious about putting his life on the line for her son's. He was the one to remark during their boat ride two years ago that they had a tail. The look on her face, the look of failure washed over her before she composed and gave him instructions on what to do. He followed them to an extent and kept Neil entertained while Mary set up a plan to trap the spy and make sure to get her answers. He could still remember the screams of the man, he remembered Nathaniel, who was only thirteen at the time, crying silently beside him. Andrew didn't offer comfort, didn't tell him it was alright or that it was right. He let Nathaniel make his own assumptions. Andrew could retrace the steps they took and see which ones could possibly be the weak points but Mary was from a different world and she wasn't above torture. The idea of the same woman touching Nathaniel made his skin crawl. That was the night Nat stopped sleeping in her arms and began sleeping beside him. It took weeks of adjusting but eventually Andrew learned to get six hours of sleep uninterrupted if the redhead didn't get up from the bed. 

The door creaked open and a curious head popped up from behind it. "Daniel?" it asked in that innocent voice. "What are you thinking about?" it asked again, all questions and questions, curious as ever. Damn him.

"The boat trip,"

"Which one?" They took several in between the years but none of them liked it. Being trapped on one vehicle with cold waters all around them? All of them would vote against it had they had a choice. When 'Alex' got no reply, he moved to sit beside Andrew on the stairs, placing his hand on the other's shoulder first to let him know he was invading his space for longer than a few seconds. Every time Andrew didn't flinch under his touch, something warm filled his chest. "Can we go to the city tonight?"

Now this caught Andrew's attention. He squinted at Nat, wondered if the boy was doing it for himself or thought he was doing it _him_. Andrew didn't need to escape, even if he enjoyed the burning of alcohol in his throat but he was sure that the younger one didn't want to go out to watch Andrew drown his buzzed brain with liquor. Either way, getting away from the bitch inside was always good time. "I'll talk to her,"

Nathaniel bumped his shoulder in a thank you, since Andrew seemed to be allergic to many words in the English language. He was worried (in a good way) that Andrew would smack his face into the wall if he thanked him or apologized in a different language. The idea of him and Andrew bickering could always cheer him up as he didn't take it personally, as personal as Andrew made it.

Getting up from the ground, Nat was left behind while Andrew slipped inside to announce that he was taking the other out for that night, which caused yet another scene. Mary knew better than anyone how deadly Andrew could be with his brute force, even at this young age. He didn't listen when she kept ordering him to stay inside. He went out and became a target. She didn't know if he wanted to or if he only wanted to learn how to fight but he lost many many times until he developed his natural fighting style. She'd seen Andrew hit a classmate once when she went to pick them up from school. Her boy was short but he was a challenge to take on. He didn't fight nicely, he went high and low, dirty and strong. She was quite sure Andrew could lift more than he looked but it helped to calm her down. Andrew would put his life on the line for Nathaniel and if the boy she adopted was difficult to kill, her son had bigger chances of survival. 

Andrew was very aware of this.

That's how he knew she'd let them go and gave Andrew a small gun that he stared at, then tested its weight. It wasn't a deadly weapon to anyone who'd hold it in hand but Andrew's aim was sharp, yet he doubted it that he'd need it. He gave her a look so Mary crossed her arms in defense

"It's better than bringing knife to a gun fight,"

Andrew almost snorted and subtly checked the safety before tossing the gun on the bed. "I don't want a gun fight to begin with."

In the meantime, Nathaniel moved to his feet and walked to the door, pressing his ear against it after a short hesitation. He didn't like eavesdropping on his family but the two of them had secrets Nat sometimes wished he knew so he could help either of them carry the burdens. He knew that if he asked Andrew he'd be told the truth but he also knew Andrew preferred to keep it between himself and Mary.

"If you fight with your fists, they'll have to be close enough to get their hands on you,"

Nathaniel could feel Andrew's gaze darkening behind the closed door. His voice dropped. When he closed his eyes, he could imagine the features of Andrew's face. Chin tilted down, jaw clenched for a second before he'd release it, hazel eyes radiating a warning.

"Nothing will happened to him,"

"I hope you're right,"

"I'm leaving," he announced so Nathaniel backed away from the door in slight panic, quickly looking around before slapping his hands on the railing to tug himself closer to it and look down at the staircase as if it was the most fascinating thing since he laid eyes on exy. AJ would see right through it...

Inside, Andrew was about to grab the knob when Mary called out his name and took two steps towards him, effectively cornering him against the wall. He hated it; hated her being so close, hated himself for not being able to wrangle her neck so he'd never have to look at her face again.

"Listen to me," she warned as Andrew tilted his chin up in a challenge. He'd hit her before, he'd hit her again. "He's your **brother** ,"

Andrew would like to believe he didn't pale but according to her reaction, according to the satisfied look in her eyes, he had to. Andrew did his best to keep his feelings in check, especially in a situation like this one but Nathaniel's biological mother saw through his guarded walls. Fuck. Her tone was a knowing one, a warning not to lay a hand on her son, not in the way he wanted to for nine months.

"He's not my brother,"

"Not by blood, but by bond,"

"He's a child --"

"You're  _both_ my children," she seethed as she put a hand beside Andrew's head before he could regain his composure. "You're nothing but a protective brother to him. Do you hear me? Nothing else,"

Alarms were roaring in Andrew's blood and Mary was smart enough not to touch him right then and there. He guessed Mary would catch up once but no, no, no, no. He didn't want her to. He didn't want her to know how he felt about Nathaniel, how he stuck around not only because of the promise but because of the mystery he represented, because of his good looks and an attitude that challenged him all the while as he understood him in a way no one else did. Nathaniel knew the boundaries, knew when to ask about the line. It made Andrew feel safe. "You're not my family," he said as he pushed her hand off and tugged the door open, meeting Nathaniel's face.

_No, no, no, don't look at me like that. Not now. She knows, Nat. She knows._

"Can we go, AJ?"

'No drinking!' echoed from behind Andrew before he took steps and steps away from the bitch witch inside. He didn't wait until Nat caught up, didn't slow down or speed up when they fell into a synced walk. The taller boy was smart enough not to ask more questions.

* * *

 

"I'm leaving,"

"AJ! No! Just this one time. Just this time, I promise I'll be good,"

"You lie like a rug,"

"I don't lie to you,"

That was true. Mostly. "You can't promise things you can never keep,"

"Fine. Fine, I'll get you Ben and Jerry's,"

Andrew narrowed his eyes, then slipped his gaze back towards the tv screen plastered on the wall. Was ice cream worth this torture? Was ice cream worth Nathaniel's excitement, was it worth watching Nat's hands twitch as if he was holding the racquet himself?

No. It wasn't. Especially because he'd be hearing about this for weeks. But Nathaniel was a junkie for exy just like Andrew was a junkie for anything sweet.

"When?"

"This week! I  _promise_ , really. Please, can we watch the game?" Nathaniel was so hyped he didn't even notice his slip up and Andrew wondered just why he even  _asked_ him; something about mutual respect? He'd ask later about this strange concept.

"Drug on," he confirmed and before he could blink, Nat was sitting by a table staring at the screen. Andrew sighed and considered just how much alcohol could he get for the money he had on him. Seven glasses of something clean, probably vodka. Still in thought, Andrew took a seat by the bar, which was mostly empty (why else would they be screening a game of **this** dumb sport?) with his eyes on the prize in his life. He saw the bartender from the corner of his eye and ordered six vodka shots.

"ID please?" The bartender asked in a strangely American-sounding accent so Andrew's head automatically turned to see what the surprise was about. The bartender was tall, older than him, much tanner. He didn't seem to have toned muscles for a fighter and his eyes were shining so bright Andrew wondered if he could go blind. Right now, he wanted to. Whether it was from alcohol, this whole human being watching him or the shiny glitters on his shirt that read 'Let's get one thing straight. I'm not'.

Andrew squinted at him but before he could form an insulting enough sentence to make the bartender want to hide beneath the bar, he laughed and put his hands on the bar, smiling wide and kind at Andrew.

How disturbing.

"I'm just fucking with you, Aaron. You came to see me? I'm soooo excited! And who's your boy toy? I  **love** the hair, it gives you a dark edge. Adds to the grumpy image you're trying to build. Come on, alcohol's on me. What brings you here?"

...

**_Aaron who?_ **

Andrew didn't have an idea but he jerked a thumb over his shoulder towards the child planted into the chair, floating up high in exy heaven as he took the glass from the whoever behind the bar.

"Oooh. I thought you hated us. But here you are! Swinging for our team! I'm so proud of you!" he continued to squeal and pour while babbling about some Erik and Germany or more german.

Nicky, as Andrew in a short while learned, kept going about his move from the United States here, saying he hoped his parents were alright, asking how did his  _mother_  allow him to get all the way there, wondering out loud if his parents knew too.

It was Nathaniel who interrupted the story, awkwardly slipping in the seat beside Andrew before getting the full blow of Nicky the annoying Sunshine Bartender. Nat seemed as excited as Andrew looked.

"I'm Nicky! Hi! Who are you? Your boyfriend didn't tell me your name yet. Tsk tsk,"

Andrew lifted the glass but he didn't drink more, keeping in mind the possibility of the dangerous turn this conversation could take. "You didn't particularly let me speak,"

"Oh, that so? Well, would you like to speak?" Nicky asked with a grin that Andrew wanted to wipe off his face with a chair.

At the same time, Nathaniel was stuck in his own world. Courtesy of exy, probably. "My boyfriend?"

...or not exy.

Nicky blinked a few times, then smiled again. "Yeah! You're Aaron's boyfriend, right?"

Nathaniel blinked back at Nicky just the same. "Who's Aaron?"

Andrew let the two men stare at each other for a while, meeting Nat's questioning eyes after a while but giving no answers, then sliding his look at Nicky, who was putting two and two together. Nicky scowled lightly, his eyes shifted to the nothing on his right as he counted, then leaned towards Andrew. "How old are you?"

Nathaniel, without knowing what was going on, butted in with the dumbest answer. "He's eighteen,"

The way Andrew's eyes rolled back into his head seemed almost dangerous. Nicky, on the other hand, was mildly amused and smiled gently at the other brunet. "Oh, you're so pretty but I'm not that naive." The question was directed at Andrew. "You're sixteen, right?"

He didn't give an answer but he wanted to know what was going on inside the other's head. There was a secret he was itching to find out more about and he kept staring at the tall boy until he'd given in, else he'd have to scratch the bartender's brain a little. Nathaniel glanced between them, scowling in confusion as Andrew seemed more focused than ever and the bartender seemed half amused, half terrified.

"...shit,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NICKY HEMMICK IS MY CHILD even if he can be very insensitive. I mean... it just fits, right? Germany? Nicky? Nicky feeling like he needs to be the parent Andrew and Aaron never had? Or at least a guardian angel? or an angel in general???
> 
> I love Nicky Hemmick. Fight me (with love).
> 
> Let's get one thing straight. Andrew's not.
> 
> Grammar mistakes are all mine as I don't have a beta and is2g I corrected all the Neil's to Nathaniel's... it's more difficult than I thought. my subconscious is strong. Kudos and comments/messages always appreciated <3


	3. lie becomes truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've never seen you cry before,"  
> [...]  
> "Didn't have a reason t',"
> 
> aka goodbyes need to be made and of course it doesn't go smooth...

Nathaniel couldn't tear his eyes off the bartender's phone, gaze flicking between the picture and Andrew. He had the image of blonde Andrew burned into his eyelids and even though the man sitting next to him was more buff, they were exactly the same. Well, minus the hateful squint Andrew was throwing his way. He handed him the phone so he could see for himself.

"Where is he now?" he asked as he curled his fingers around the glass of soda, seeing Andrew flicking through the touchscreen for more pictures.

"Him and Tilda, his mom, or I guess... your guys' mom, are living with my parents now. Back in the US,"

"Why are you here?"

"My family's religion is making them blind towards my love for a German man here. Erik. His father runs this bar and he lets me help out for a little cash. We want to move to Stuttgart so all money's helping,"

Nathaniel nodded in understanding, though he couldn't imagine how could Nicky's parents dislike him just because he liked boys. He wasn't on the run, was he? What did it matter?

Nicky glanced between Andrew and Nathaniel, doubting either of them was going to tell him their story but since the twin was too busy ogling something on a picture, he turned his attention to the younger creature with a smile. "So, you and Andrew are... what?"

All he received was a confused look until he straight up asked if him and Andrew were dating or if they were less than that. He took notice of the way the younger boy stumbled over his 'no no no's with his cheeks flushed, avoided looking at him as if he found a fly in his drink. Huh. Fucking adorable. Nicky wondered why Tilda never told them Aaron had a twin. Of course, he could understand if she was ashamed for putting one child for adoption and left one to his own devices in the foster system. A bulge in his throat formed over how mistreated Andrew had to feel. He had a twin, a mother, a family - how did Tilda choose? How could she just put one of her children into the system and not care what happened afterwards? How did she **pick**? Was it deliberate or was it a 50/50 chance?

The youngest man in the room gently nudged Andrew's ankle with his foot to bring his attention back to himself, as selfish as it was after such a reveal. He earned a slow, defensive look from the other which made him lean forward. What was going on? He gazed at the picture, then back into those unmasked, raw, hazel eyes. He noticed the white knuckles curled around the phone with the apple on the back and wondered what was going through Andrew's mind.

"AJ?" he tried, innocent as ever.  _Talk to me._

Still receiving no answer, his breath got uneven. He knew this expression; Andrew's mind never shut up, he knew, which was one of the reasons he didn't try to regulate Andrew's alcohol or drug intake. Even though they never directly talked about the other's past, he knew he was an abused child. He wanted to ask him but Andrew always upright told him he wasn't old enough to handle it. For some reason, his older companion always tried to look out for his childhood and Nathaniel was thankful. What worried him now was the darkness embracing Andrew, bringing out the dark shades in the brown of his eyes.

"Drew?"

Andrew turned the phone off and swallowed, pushed it towards its rightful owner before he caught his gaze. "You need to take me there,"

He saw Nathaniel panic by his side by the way his eyes popped open as his breath hitched, whole body freezing. Nicky seemed just as surprised as Nat felt and gave him a shaky okay. 'Erik will surely understand' he said and smiled gently as if this "family" reunion was something to be excited for. Nicky went to the back, allowing the youngest boy to freak a little.

"What? You can't! No! You can't leave us, yo-"  
"Nat," Andrew started carefully as he turned towards him, his hand cupping the other's chin, resisting the urge to brush his finger along his bottom lip because then he'd want to kiss it and he couldn't do it to him. Not now. Definitely not now. Somehow it calmed the other down, showing that he was ready to listen. It was magical, sometimes, what his touch could do to this child.  _You're just a year older, AJ_ , he could hear him say from memory. "Tilda's abusing Aaron. Nicky's family is either unaware or ignoring it."

"What?" Nathaniel asked; the fact that his heart sunk to his feet was audible in his tone. "H-how do you know?"

"It was on the picture. She was holding his hand, his sleeve rolled up. He has marks,"

Nat nodded and the only reason he didn't look down was because he wanted Andrew to assure him with his fingers on his face. He wanted AJ to tell him it was alright, that he was just going to solve it soon and come back to them before they'd have to move out of Germany. What if he couldn't find them again? What if something happened to him? What would mom say to this idea? What if Andrew would like his family more and decide to never return to him? What if they'd lose touch forever? "AJ?"

Without any other comments, Andrew's fingers left his chin and Nathaniel finally ducked his head and closed his eyes. He didn't want the other to see. To his own surprise, the same fingers lifted his chin again before they shifted to wipe away the wet tears from the right side of his cheek. "I've never seen you cry before," he was told, so he blinked the tears away to see AJ's face again.

No doubt Andrew hated himself for being the one to cause him to cry. He didn't know about his past too much but he knew the way Andrew was thinking, especially when it came to him. He was protective, like a dark, short angel, and just as beautiful as he'd imagine a celestial being to be. "Didn't have a reason t'," he replied, wiping his left cheek with his sleeve. 

* * *

 

To say that Mary wasn't as understanding was... well, an understatement. She held most of her rage back, asking her adopted son just what in the fuck was he thinking for wanting to leave them like this. The fact that Andrew was ice cold towards her, mocking her with the way he spoke wasn't helping to calm her down at all. She reminded him of how Nathaniel got attached to him (as a brother, she added in her tone), about the deal she loved to toss in his face whenever available, considering how important it was to Andrew. She knew his weak spots, she knew what to hit.

Mary reminded him of Steve, of Jessie, on the day that they found him sitting by himself, all in attempt to wound him enough so he didn't leave their side. She needed someone to look out for her son while she was running errands and she got used to Andrew being there whenever Nathaniel went.

"Do you want to break your promise to me?!" she growled as she took a step forward but he didn't budge, even if he had a subtle feeling that she was going to put her hands on his neck very soon.

"I'm not. I'm  _asking_ you to put it on hold until I solve this,"

"This? What's  **this**? Huh? Your new family? You devoted your LIFE to my son and I -"

"Mom?" Nathaniel's voice was so soft and quiet in comparison to hers she almost didn't hear it. Two pairs of eyes turned towards him, one angry and the other... worried? "I think AJ should go,"

Mary's scowl turned towards Andrew with a clenched jaw as he seemed to be controlling some short, inner battle. "What else did you tell him to say, huh?" she pushed and Andrew's fists clenched for a second before he released them.

"For fuck's sake, Mary, get over your fucking issues. Will you put the deal on hold?"

She eyed him over, deciding the best tactic to get out of this as the winner. Andrew didn't like the silence one bit but when she finally made a sound, it was laughter. His body tensed even more, sensing some trap that would damage  _something_ he had with Nathaniel.

"Fine," she barked out, teeth out as she grinned and pointed an unpolished nail at him. "You be the one to disappoint him. Not me,"

Mary always hit hard.

* * *

 

The very same night, the bitch witch was gone with a plan to return before Andrew boarded a flight back to the US. He was laying in bed, mentally preparing himself for what was to come. The flight, Nicky, Tilda, Aaron... How could his life turn such an angle during one day? A finger poked at the frown between his eyebrows, bringing him back to the bed he was sharing with the younger man who stood up for him on many occasions. Maybe Mary was jealous, seeing the relationship he developed with her son. Something constant, trusting, careful... He had already set up a plan with her, years before, in case they were separated so he could find them again. If Mary sabotaged this deal, he had a plan B; Nathaniel, who was gazing up at him with those big blue eyes that had seen more than they should have in their lifetime.

"What will you do to help Aaron?" It still seemed so unreal. A  _twin_...

"I'll kill his mother," Andrew replied calmly, looking for any sign of fear Nat may feel towards him. He found nothing but an understanding.  _stop. stop understanding everything, you don't know anything. you can't know me like this_.

"Be careful," he whispered and spider-walked his hand towards the hem of Andrew's shirt. He noticed but all he did was cock a brow, to which Nathaniel made a 'shut up' face. He shifted closer only to find AJ's hand on his chest, stopping him from the cuddling he was itching to experience.

 _I'm guilty enough as it is. fuck you, Nat. fuck you for doing this to me._  

The initiator nodded and shifted away again but Andrew's hand caught his wrist and tugged it towards his hair before letting go. He watched Drew's face for double confirmation before he slid his fingers through the soft, originally-blonde hair. Andrew seemed to twinge from pain but he didn't ask him to let go so he figured this was okay. A fist found his shirt, holding it tightly as if  _he_ was the one leaving.

Silly AJ.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My own heart was in pain from the last bit, wtf, what a masochist would write this??? ...me.  
> it hurts me greatly to see my boys separating and what different approaches they take to this 'temporary' goodbye. Neil wants all the hugs in the world while Andrew can't give/get one because he knows the guilt of leaving him behind with /her/ would haunt him and Andrew does not like feeling guilty at all.  
> this takes a toll on both boys as well as Mary, who'll keep a hawk's eye on Neil since Andrew's not doing it anymore.
> 
> kudos and comments are very appreciated !!! <3 they brighten up my days so much, you have no idea. Thank you for sticking with this shitpiece I can't seem to stop writing about. (just assume that no chapter is beta'd bc I'm a loser with no patience for triple checks)


	4. you should blame it on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we get a little from how andrew becomes precious to neil while andrew handles his new 'family'.
> 
> Luther is, and always will be, an asshole.

It's been over a week since Andrew left and Nathaniel seemed unfocused, barely listening to what Mary had to say, no matter how life saving it might be. Her frustration was rising while Nat's interest fell into a bottomless pit. He didn't realize how much contact he had with Andrew throughout the day. It was as if Andrew was an addictive drug that made this ugly world something better, brighter, easier to breathe in. He wondered what the feeling in his body was. Why did his chest tighten every time the sun went down but Andrew wasn't there to fill his life with light? Bad things were hiding in the dark, toothy and dangerous.

 _'You must travel through these woods again & again…and you must be lucky to avoid the wolf every time…but the wolf only needs enough luck to find you once' _AJ told him once when he read the book aloud for him during a stormy night few months ago. Mom hadn't returned for a few days, yet Andrew seemed so calm, even if the words he said felt like sharp teeth on his neck, ready to sink in and bite hard.

The tiredness refused to let go of him, grounding him to the floor in a strong grip with every step he took while sadness choked his neck so much he felt like crying again. It took him a while to figure out he wasn't sick to the stomach but sick from physically missing the man who was always by his side, yet half a step ahead due to his protective nature. Nathaniel wanted to protect Andrew too, from whatever that was seeking back with the Hemmick's and Minyard's. Would Tilda like Andrew too? How could she let him go in the first place? Yes, AJ was difficult to understand but his devotion didn't know limits, just like his loyalty. It was never good to be on his bad side but once you were on his good side, Nat was sure Andrew would let him stand on his shoulders while drowning so he was closer to the surface and have bigger chance of surviving. He wished he could do the same for him. At least once.

He didn't mind sleeping next to his mom again. She spooned him, kept a tight grip around him while they slept, subconsciously letting him know he was okay and safe, letting him know that Nathan didn't try to rip them apart. It felt nice but not  _nice enough_. Not like the space between him and Andrew did, or the knowing looks they shared. 

It was easy to sell them off as brothers thanks to the synchronization they naturally held with one another. Him and Drew didn't need to communicate with words. The older man had him solved as if he was an easy equation, a short math problem, and sometimes he felt naked when Andrew guessed his thoughts without having to lure them out of him. It was assuring and impressive. On the other hand, Nat could never know for sure what the other was thinking about, no matter how much he tried. The one time he guessed AJ was thinking of knife scars, he answered ' _no, i'm wondering about cats_ ' and gave him a look that brought out the most genuine laughter he'd heard from himself in years. He was thirteen.

Later that day, Nathaniel made a deal with one of the kids from school to get some of those black colored cigarettes for him. He wanted Drew back so much, he wanted to have something ready for him, whenever he decided to come back _hom_ e.

* * *

 

"Welcome _home_!" the tall boy beamed as he walked towards a pair of big wooden door and knocked. Andrew wondered why was he so excited and why did he need around a week to compose and actually come to the address he promised to take him to back in Germany. Didn't he say his parents tried to shock the gay out of him? Strange being, that Nicholas. Annoying, too. "Andrew! This is your big moment!" He never shut up, did he?

The grimace he made probably wasn't pleasant as Nicky hissed and knocked again, calling out for his parents. Where did he scramble the faith in those two from? Did they change their minds over the few months Nicky'd been away? Andrew highly doubted it and decided that no matter how incompetent Nicky was as a human being, he deserved to be shielded from his abusers just like any other child. 

Even though his memory allowed him to remember even the tiniest details, the upcoming moments felt like a blur. The others didn't matter at the moment, all he needed to see was the man who looked like him. He could see the christian decorations on the walls, the pictures of Saint Mary, the rosary on the table but 98% of his brain was craving something else. Someone else.

Aaron Minyard shared his mother's hair color and his twin's eyes. Luther wasn't surprised when Andrew ignored his offer to shake his hand and trailed past him to stand face to face with his long lost brother. They seemed to size each other up. While the younger one's eyes slid all over the other's body for marks of abuse, marks of anything recent that would fuel his hate for the woman standing closeby, the older one watched for some sort of emotion on his face. He'd fine none.

They were being watched, like animals in a zoo, a pair of deer, reunited at last.

"Andrew, this is Aaron. Aaron, meet your twin, Andrew. You could  _not_ believe the luck when he walked into the bar, I thought it was you with some sort of weird hair dye -- but it's not bad! It's cute! Makes you look even younger than Aaron,"

Somehow, Nicky felt the annoyance Andrew ( as well as Aaron ) was radiating towards him even though his eyes were captured by the spitting image of himself.

He wondered just how much they differed. He wondered how fucked up Aaron was, having to live with the woman he called his mother, the woman who birthed them both and kept only one. Had it not been for Nathaniel, Andrew would be happier dying in a fucking trash can few hours after being born. The people in this world were cruel. People like Nathan, Mary, Luther, Maria, Tilda. The other names, the male, parental names slid into his brain but he shook them off, aching to find solace in Aaron's eyes.

He didn't find a sign of it.

Good.

The noise from upstairs provoked all three children in the house to turn and look up at the bare white ceiling. Nicky looked genuinely surprised, subconsciously shifted closer to Andrew in order to either shield him or use him as a shield instead. Andrew couldn't tell yet but he accepted his part of being the protector and shifted his glare towards Luther. "Either you have a burglar in the house or you forgot someone upstairs," he noted and turned on his heel, coming closer to a table to pick up one of the useless decorations there and eye it over, inside and out. "I hope he or she isn't tied to a chair. That would be unfortunate, considering that the last time Nicky was tied up, he was underg-"

"Andrew!" It was Nicky who hissed, still obviously desperate to put his family back together, eyes wide and begging. He hated begging.

Dismissed. "--going some electric torture because he is... what is it again? Stupid? Yes, what else..."

Luther was holding Maria's hand while Nicky was close to walking out of the house to take a few breaths, maybe text Erik to calm down. He couldn't understand how defensive yet aggressive Andrew was being, especially since he  _wanted_ to come here in the first place. When he realized this was Andrew's way of sticking up for him, warmth filled his chest and made him love this grumpy gremlin even more. Did the insensitivity run in their blood?

"It's unnatural," Luther responded and took a breath, trying to keep the mood cool.

"But the four horsemen of the apocalypse are completely natural. Message clear and received," Andrew mocked back with a salute as he put the decoration back on the table, noticing no dust particles around. They prepared well for this meeting. It was supposed to be perfect, unlike him and Nicky. It felt borderline hostile.

"You must be Andrew," came a voice from the staircase, attracting the pairs of all eyes except for the Hemmick parents. They'd known him well then. Better than Tilda or Aaron; Nicky seemed to have no idea either but his bubbly nature took over and slid towards the tall man to shake his hand and introduce himself. Andrew stood still, taking in everything. His shoes were only few months old but very clean, he was well built under those simple jeans and a white tee but his tattoos were visible, something the religious parents tolerated. They seemed...  _warm_ when it came to this stranger. His hair was short and light brown but his eyes... they rattled Andrew's skeleton. He squinted only lightly, deciding on how this person belonged into the fucked up puzzle that Nicky called 'family'. The stranger let him before taking a few confident steps towards him.

That was what finished the whole image he saw in the man. The way he looked at him, with the fire in his eyes, the slippy but confident way he walked...

This man was a predator.

"My name is Drake Spear. You'll be staying with me and my mother since you can't all fit here,"

_predator. predator. predator. predator. predator...._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am I keeping you on edge? i hope so. andrew hates surprises. can you tell?  
> for some reason, I love the idea of Neil greeting Drew with a pack of those black cigarettes. I own a pack myself precisely because I connect it with Andrew a lot. They're called Black Russian and they sting my fucking soul...
> 
> the song behind this piece is James Gillespie's What you do.
> 
> comments and kudos still make my day/night!! i love seeing your ideas on what's gonna happen and how is it gonna happen. Did you expect Drake? surprise, bitch <3


	5. screaming through the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pre-reading warning:   
> I know that it's in the tags but some Non-con stuff is going to go down in this chapter so if you aren't a fan of such content, I'd advise you to skip to the first horizontal line xxx
> 
> this chapter contains Andrew's struggle in the U.S and Neil's struggle with Mary in France + bonus

There was nothing he hated more than the empty feeling. Every time he closed his eyes, the image was right there. The eyes, the teeth, the voices, the hands at his throat, the forced laughter he couldn't stop. That was new. He never wanted to hear himself laugh again.

Drake Spear rubbed off on him the wrong way; his instincts were right. He was a big guy, strong, groaned when Andrew rammed his elbow in full force into his arm. The rapid pace at which Andrew dodged the military man was enough to gain him a few extra seconds as a headstart but not enough to escape Drake in the hall. Cass was gone for the day and Nicky went over to his parent's house, eagerly awaiting Aaron's arrival. He had a few extra hours in the place alone with the marine who didn't hesitate to take it to his advantage.

The door to his room opened, poking at Andrew's light sleep and waking him up. His mindset was still used to Nathaniel and all his tics so it took him a second or two to remember what room he was in, supposedly alone. The lock clicked shut. Fear sprung Andrew's nerves but he composed almost immediately, gripping the knife under his pillow like he learned from Mary. He could feel the pair of hungry eyes on his neck but didn't show, waited for his moment to attack. He watched the shadows, listened to the footsteps and breaths.

But he wasn't good enough.

Drake caught his wrist and twisted it painfully enough to make him drop the weapon, which he caught with his other hand and cut a slice into the older man's arm, right across one of his tattoos. The cuss was a quick whisper before the same hand he injured came around his throat, squeezing so tight Andrew felt like he coughed blood from a crushed windpipe. His knee hit Drake's ribs in an attempt to be freed, elbow jabbing into the attacker's arm. That, unfortunately, spiked his interest into pressing two thick thumbs against his victim's neck. Adrenaline kicked in just in time, revealing his inner demons and strength. Drake stumbled back when he was hit in the face with raw, epinephrine-pumped fist twice in a row.

Once his neck was free, Andrew slipped like a bolt from the bed, passing the bodies of his previous abusers standing -- no, hovering over him by the exit door. The realness was unsettling. They didn't age at all.

Just as he reached the stairs, an arm grabbed him by his neck from behind and slammed his head into the staircase railing. The world went dizzy for a while too short, removing the images of the  _others_ at his mercy. The rug was burning his body as Drake dragged him across the floor back towards the bedroom, giving him little to no time to recover. Andrew kicked the air once, twice, three times. All he got was a laughter he wished he'd be able to erase from his memory.

When he grabbed onto the doorframe and brought Drake to a halt, he smirked while tugging on his leg harder. "You really wanna play this game?" he asked in that low, cigarette tainted voice. His grin was devious; all teeth and barely any lips. He was going to eat him alive and chew every inch of him...

The marine received no satisfactory answer so he tugged harder before grabbing the door and slamming it into Andrew's back. The sharp pain made him grunt and it took five more strong door slams to make him let go.

"That's not gonna help you," Drake tutted when he spotted Andrew's desperation in the way he dug his fingers and nails into the floor. His fingertips were white yet the rug remained unharmed, unlike his nails which were now covered in blood. "If you like the floor so much, I can fuck you into it," A strong knee rammed Andrew's spine to keep him on the floor while his pants were tugged off. He refused to scream but his head was an unstoppable alarm, screeching loud and shining bright red.

Drake sat at the dinner table opposite of Andrew that night.

Over the course of seventeen weeks, he'd been ripped off consent twelve times. Over the course of seventeen weeks, he'd gained fifteen marks on his wrist. Over the course of seventeen weeks, Drake was deployed for eight. Over the course of seventeen weeks, no one noticed.

He fought the first two times for his ability to actually have permission, once with a knife, once with anything he could lay a hand on, be it a lamp or the chair in his room. The fight was viscous and the marks on his face from that day faded soon enough. One thing he realized the third time was that he couldn't have anyone know. Not only would it jeopardize his need to have enough time to plan Tilda's murder, he needed to gain Aaron's trust, he needed to fit in just enough to slip through the tight spaces of their wit. He couldn't go to the police not only because he didn't trust them but because he existed just like Nathaniel Wesninski did. Exposing himself, especially as a minor, would make it impossible to join Nat again, which wasn't a risk he was willing to take.

It was a shame he realized only after he told Luther, who brushed it off as mistaking friendly, almost brotherly affection.

The marine was very excited the fifth time he locked Andrew's door from inside due to his decision to color his hair blonde again. He needed Nicky's advice to mix the same color Aaron had. It would take a few weeks to settle in but soon enough, he'd mirror Aaron even better. Drake experimented that night; figured out his ticklish spots and used them against him, laughing along with him...

When Cass knocked on the bathroom door, calling Andrew for some dinner she'd been cooking for two hours, he wanted to scream. He wanted everyone to fuck off, he wanted to pack his shit and take a flight straight into Nathaniel's proximity.

"Give me ten," he said instead, sitting under the steam with his forearms exposed to the burning water. They were dark red but numb, tempting, asking for one more scar. It was a dangerous edge but it gave him control over his body and that was something he held too precious in this household. All he needed were roughly six weeks to finish his plan. Only six more weeks and Tilda would be dead.

_survive a few more weeks, Nat. survive._

* * *

 

Nathaniel knew he was in deep shit when his mom drove him to the motel instead of getting groceries like she told him in the morning. He wanted to tell her that he wasn't stupid, that he knew he shouldn't kiss girls. In fact, it was her who kissed him but Mary didn't want to hear a word. She parked the car in the parking lot and slammed the door shut, gaze cold like the England weather she remembered so much of lately. She missed home, just like Nathaniel. Their homes differed but they craved it the same amount. Every day, she hoped that someone reckless and dumb enough would take out The Butcher and end this suffering so she could take her son to England and hide him there.

When the boy she was so disappointed in came within her reach, she grabbed him by the arm and tugged him up the stairs into their apartment, shoving him inside and ordering in a thick British accent to pack his things because they're leaving in ten minutes. Perhaps she'd been thinking of home too much.

Nathaniel, on the other hand, stood there, perplexed. How could they leave again? What if Andrew wouldn't find them? They weren't in Germany anymore but they left him a solid message. What if his mother was so angry that she wouldn't want AJ to join them again?

_fuck. fuck, i messed up. fuck. mom?_ "Mom? What about Drew?"

For three seconds, he was worried she'd actually kill him for saying that name as if it was the biggest sin of all. She repeated her orders so he retreated to his duffel bag to pack the remaining belongings inside, stuffing the cigarette pack more towards the bottom. He slung it over his shoulder and walked to sit beside his mother while she took care of the documentation she had prepared already.

What came next he didn't see coming.

Mary set the pen down, turned to Nat before she smacked him across the face with an open palm so hard he fell off the edge of the bed and landed on all four, slowly focusing his gaze from the floor to her. She ducked to be on his level, gripping his chin in a sharp jab, so unlike AJ. "You  _NEVER_ let this happen again. That? That's a distraction. It will get you killed,"

Nathaniel opened his mouth to say it wasn't him but before he could get out a word, she smacked him again, harder, to prove her point.

"You're not interested in them!" she shrieked into his face, then asked him to repeat.

And so he did.

That seemed satisfactory so she grabbed the papers, keys and her bag, knowing that her son was following right behind. His cheeks were red but he didn't cry, he understood her point. When she set everything they owned in the backseat, she stopped to brush her shaky fingers through Nathaniel's hair. When he closed his eyes, he seemed so devoted, so trusting, her heart clutched. How could someone so genuine, so understanding and gentle come from the DNA of Nathan Wesninski? She admired his ability to tame his father's temper, even if she'd never admit it.

Her son was impressive not only in her eyes, but surely in Andrew's too. Nat hadn't been himself since he left. It must have been nice, having someone to turn to the way he turned to the son she adopted.

* * *

 

_"Nathaniel," she sneered, stomping back towards the boy who seemed hypnotized with something in the alley on her left. She grabbed his wrist, tight, tugged to get his attention but all he did was point a finger towards a small shadow by the middle. Mary narrowed her eyes; they didn't have time for this but she knew as well just how stubborn her son could be, even at the bare age of nine. "What? What is it?"_

_"He's alone," Nathaniel replied, blinking up at his mother with big blue eyes. They needed to get rid of those later._

_"He's not our concern,"_

_"What if I was alone?"_

_Fuck him and his Hatford stubbornness. "If we check on him, can we leave?" The nod she received wasn't pleasing as there was something off about it but she'd be damned if she didn't do_ something  _to get Nat to move. She walked forward and put her hand on the back of her son's head to have a quick grip on him if shit went south._

_Andrew's eyes were wary when he saw a_ woman _approach, flicking a pocket knife between his fingers. He could see it made her uneasy so he flipped it faster without dropping it. He couldn't use it well, he knew from experience that it took just a tight pinch to make him let go of the weapon but it was better than nothing. His shirt was ripped and he was missing a shoe. Andrew stood up anyway as if he could compensate for the height difference. The child he saw with the woman was shorter than him, probably younger too. Who were they?_

_Mary approached the blonde child, ducking to be on his level and seem less like a threat. "I'm Jessica. This is David. Who are you?"_

_Andrew fought the urge to take a step back. "Andrew,"_

_"Are you hungry, Andrew?" she asked, noticing how his bones were sticking out from under the holes on his shirt. Did no one miss him?_

_If his eyes widened under the mention of food, he barely noticed. He hadn't eaten anything but the remains of some veggie mix his foster mother left for him the day before. "Yes. But I don't eat with strangers,"_

_Mary smiled, small but genuine. How naive, this little creature. "Well, how about I leave food with you here so you can eat it alone?" When Andrew nodded, she pulled out two sandwiches from her bag and handed them to him. He didn't even say thank you, just took a big bite and chewed it quickly. "David, get a shirt for Andrew here."_

_Nathaniel pulled one out from his duffel and put it down on the ground beside Andrew, who was now settled on his ass eating the most casual food he'd had in months. He had so many questions but he guessed he wouldn't want an interrogation either._

Why are you alone? Where's your shoe? Where are your parents? Are you running too? How old are you? Who are you?

_Mary moved to her feet and took her son's hand, leading him away from the unwanted interruption when a low, male voice echoed down the alley._

_"AJ?! Where the fuck -- you ungratef-ul fuck-cking prick, where are you??" he snarled. She knew better than to turn around and get involved but Nat was horrified. He came to a halt, watching the scene unfold in front of him._

_Andrew was grabbed by the man's hand, which was just as big as Nathaniel's own head, and eventually tugged away from the spot they found him. AJ screamed, trying to leap towards the food, prying the father's hand away but alas, he failed. Mary picked her son up to take him away but he screamed a big, loud 'NO' towards the pair behind them. She wanted to run but then she glanced over her shoulder too, watching a crying, kicking child trying to get away from a strong man who didn't treat him right at all._

_Nathan's name and laughter echoed in her head, just like it did in Nat's._

_The fact that Andrew didn't stop screaming didn't help at all._

_The foster father soon found himself with the barrel of a gun in his face, held by a woman who seemed ruthless enough to feel no regret over killing him. He let AJ go, essentially dropping him on the ground, then risked the run and left the alley. Once the gun was on safety and the blonde was no longer on all four, she told him to get the sandwiches._

_"You're coming with us. Might just be useful one day," she told him. When he hesitated, she narrowed her eyes. "He will come back for you," It was an obvious enough warning._

_What persuaded AJ was the hand that slipped into his. It belonged to a short, blue eyed boy with a complexion darker than his pale one, hair red like it was licked by fire. Andrew kept holding his hand as he picked the sandwiches off the floor and followed Mary into the uncertainty of life._

I can get rid of him if he becomes inconvenient _, she thought, tucking the gun back behind her belt. It wouldn't be first time she'd put a bullet in a child..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can never express just how much I loathe Drake Spear but I tried and tried.  
> Mary doesn't consider herself a bad mother. She's tough, yes, but she doesn't see how abusive she is, in Andrew's eyes anyway. Now; will Neil tell Andrew about how she hit him, considering everything ???  
> We know how she recruited Andrew now; it was more of a mercy call very early into the run, when she thought she could somehow adjust the world for Neil so she got him a blonde toy. The deal arrangement is left for another time.
> 
> comments and kudos always brighten up my day or night, thank you so much for reading!!! hope you guys enjoyed this one, it always makes me happy to read your speculations and thoughts <3


	6. was that sunset or sunrise?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> goodbyes and hellos

Waking up in a hospital was never a pleasant feeling. His bones ached as if he was decades older while his eyes burned from the light. The IV in his arm itched so he tugged it out and dropped it, not bothering when it slipped off the bed, towards the floor. Last thing he remembered was persuading Aaron to switch with him so he could leave with Tilda, an idea he had planned for weeks now, satisfied that he gained his twin's trust enough to be able to perform the alteration. Absentmindedly, while trying to gather his thoughts back, Andrew tugged off whatever monitored his heart rate, causing a loud beep to echo and an alarm going off at the nurses' area. He saw someone move to their feet in the corner of the room, a soft "You're awake?" coming in a gentle voice -- Nicky.

"Don't touch me," The warning was clear enough even for a sleepy Nicky to understand, yet there was no sign of Aaron.

His cousin spotted the searching look that warmed his heart; he really cared about his brother (according to him anyway). "He's sitting outside. Aunt Tilda's... she didn't survive the crash, Andrew. I'm sorry,"

"I'm not," he moved to his feet, holding onto the bed for balance. When his eyes landed on Nicky again he looked horrified. Following his gaze, he realized his forearms weren't covered by the short sleeves from the uncomfortable, green-ish hospital gown which stopped right below his knees. Ridiculous length.

"...I didn't know you -- I'm so s--"

Nicky found himself slammed into the wall with his vision knocked out for a few seconds as Andrew growled at him in admonition before he let go as the nurses flooded the room, all reaching for him at once. He jerked away from the women with four steps before he got ready for a fight. One unlucky nurse stepped forward towards him and tried to grab him by his shoulder; Andrew ended up slamming her face-front into the wall behind him, feeling like a caged animal. He spotted Aaron in the door but it was Nicky who slipped between the hospital staff and his cousin, apologizing in his advance. His excuse was disorientation from the recent events; Andrew did survive an accident that killed another person, after all - his mother, nonetheless. He doubted any charges would be raised. 

The nurses demanded Andrew's return to the bed and IV's but all the man in question did was saying that Luther would sign off the papers, as he was Aaron Minyard's legal guardian and as far as he was concerned, he was signed off as Aaron on the official papers. Once the staff was gone, Aaron closed the door behind them, glaring at Andrew. He had no regrets towards Tilda's death but her son's eyes were red and puffy. He said nothing as he passed him towards the bathroom to get changed into regular clothes.

When he was ready to leave, Aaron stood in the door, blocking it efficiently enough to gain a look from his brother. He nodded at his arms, straight up asked him how fresh were they. Silence settled in the room while the two held constant eye contact, waiting which one would cave first. It was Aaron, who stepped aside and let the other two men in the room walk out before following. Seeing Luther didn't make his day at all, especially when he jogged towards the trio to hug Aaron - Andrew - in condolences. Nicky stopped his father who obviously wasn't aware he was about to touch the other Minyard. For this action, he got a nod of approval from his cousin, who walked past them to grab a cup of hot cocoa from the vending machine to warm his hands and calm down the nerves bubbling beneath his skin.

Aaron probably hated him more than before now but murdering Tilda was for his own good.

* * *

 

He could barely accept that he was finally able to leave the States and begin searching for Nathaniel and Mary. He believed they were alive; if not, he'd find their bodies and avenge **him**. Luckily, Drake was deployed the morning of the car crash so it was only him, Cass and Nicky in the house while he packed his duffel bag. He knew Tilda's money would go to Aaron, even if Luther was in charge of the account. He wasn't allowed to take a cent out of it so the twins decided it would go to Aaron's college fund. Nicky planned on returning to Germany but Andrew caused his change of heart.

"Here, have these," the cousin offered, holding out a pair of black armbands. He watched the other take it wordlessly, imagining the  _thank you_ as he guessed he wasn't going to get one, like... ever.

"I need you to stay here and watch out for Aaron," When Nicky blinked in confusion at his younger cousin, Andrew's eyes narrowed. "Make sure he goes to college, make sure Drake doesn't come a mile within him and that he doesn't overdose before he finishes the school,"

"Aaron does drugs?"

Oh, Nicholas. So oblivious. What did he think the bartender's special was in the clubs? "Promise me,"

"I... okay. Yeah. I promise. What about you? Are you going back to Nathaniel?"

"I'll see,"  ~~ _if he's still alive_~~. "You can ask me anything in return,"

Nicky gazed at him, biting his lip in thought. There were so many things he wanted to know about Andrew, so many things he wanted to help him with. He wanted to know why he started cutting his forearms, what happened with Drake, what his favorite videogame was, where he planned to go to school, what food he liked, why he never smiled, what his life was before he found him... wanted to ask if he really hated him but he decided to ask for something that might allow him to ask all of those questions later. "Promise not to be a stranger?"

A dangerous promise was done that morning.

* * *

Luther and Maria's goodbyes were distant, mimicking their relationship filled with no greetings and rare time spent together, unless it was a group dinner held either at the Hemmick's or Spear's. Nicky drove him and Aaron to the airport for the final goodbye. It was obvious on the cousin how much he wanted to hug Andrew and wish him a safe flight but the reminder of the threat he received before they even left the house echoed loudly in his skull. He refrained to words only.

"Good luck, AJ!" Nicky tried; Andrew shut him down with a strict glare. "No?"

"No,"

Nicky grumbled something but he smiled softly. Just as the younger twin was about to turn on his heel and walk towards the passport control, Aaron took a half-step forward and asked in a low but strong voice: "Was it an accident?"

Andrew watched him, wanting to punch him in the face for thinking Tilda was better alive than rotting in the ground, but all he did was starting to walk backwards, giving the men he was leaving behind a salute.  _Think whatever you want, Aaron._

* * *

 

The apartment building was a rundown piece of shit, poorly illuminated by one street light that flickered at its own will, it seemed. The night was chilly even if he stood there in a thick winter jacket. "Fucking Canada," he mumbled as he tucked a cigarette into his mouth and lit it, letting out few quick puffs. His bag was settled on the hood of the car Mary was for sure using now, as she left in the latest note he decoded. He couldn't believe he had to endure four flights to get there. From U.S. to Germany to France to Ireland to Canada. Why she had to pick the coldest of all places he didn't know but his fingers were freezing and he hated not being able to pull his hat down and scarf up because he had none, expecting a country somewhere more down south. Once he was done with his smoke, the tossed the butt to the side, grabbed his duffel and made his way up the stairs after finding the door unlocked. Safety above all, Mary?

He made it to the apartment marked with the number '28' and knocked three times strongly before knocking the code on the dark wood. Mary opened it shortly, shoving a gun into Andrew's face, who didn't look puzzled or threatened at all, just walked past her and dropped his bag by the couch. He shifted until he was facing Nathaniel, who was sitting on the bed with a smile on his face that was visible even through the darkness until Mary turned on the dim light by the door.

"I knew you'd come back," he said half excitedly as he moved to his feet. Andrew eyed the surroundings, already unhappy that he was sharing a bed with Mary again but oh boy, Nat did grow up over the year and a half that he'd been gone. He grew the final inches to top Andrew's height, his shoulders were broader, his arms and legs were more defined; few new scars decorated his calves but his face was untouched. He didn't lose weight but he certainly grew a bit more muscle which only brought out his jawline and cheekbones. His hair was longer, light brown but the roots were already on fire; Mary planned to dye his hair the next morning, judging my the box of hair dye by the cupboard in the kitchen. Andrew's trail of inappropriate thought was interrupted when Nathaniel stepped closer, slowly, searching permission to get into his personal space. "Did it work out?"

"It's done," he replied, cautiously letting the other step closer, wondering if Drake disgusted human touch for him enough to erase the pleasant feeling he never wanted to forget in the form of Nathaniel Abram Wesninski. He was pleased to find that Drake's actions couldn't outshine Nat's light.

"I have a surprise for you," 

"I hate surprises,"

"You be the judge of it later,"

Andrew's eyes stayed wide open when Nathaniel's hand slipped into his hair to gently tug on the soft blonde hair, a contrary to everything else he'd gone through back with the Spears and Hemmicks. His hand was careful, approved, caring about his consent and decisions, unusually rough, skin-wise, for a sixteen year old boy. It wasn't like fire, ready to light him up and burn him to the bone, choke him in the meantime and brush him off once he turned to ashes. He received a smile he'd missed for months, a smile he found himself wanting to caress; he wanted to clash their teeth together and kiss until their lips were numb, he wanted to bite on Nathaniel's lip and hear him gasp, feel him under his fingers. Andrew was no naive child, he knew those thoughts were better locked away in the back of his mind, far from the other's accidental reach.

Mary interrupted their moment by telling Andrew to take the couch for the night, calling Nathaniel back to her bed so they could sleep and get everything done tomorrow. He wondered what other rules she broke while he was MIA. "He's not sleeping next to you anymore," he stated simply, moved to grab the blanket from the commode and spread it beside the couch, sat down on it and took off his shoes. His jacket landed on top as a pillow before Andrew laid down on his back. Nathaniel had eyes only for his best friend, grabbed the pillow and duvet from the bed he shared with his mother to put it on the couch, getting comfortable within seconds. 

Luckily for her, the mother kept her mouth shut and turned the lights off. The room was swallowed by the night again so Andrew shifted to face the couch, spotting the hand Nat let drop from the couch in case he needed to be anchored at any time.

"Drew?" Andrew hummed in response to show he was listening to Nathaniel's whispers. "I like the blonde,"

"Sleep,"

* * *

 

"What are those for?" the now-blonde Wesninski asked as he plopped down beside Andrew, who had last two of those black cigarettes he received as a welcome home gift from Nathaniel two weeks ago. He didn't realize until now that it was the first time he didn't have a shirt with long sleeves on, or a hoodie to cover his whole arms up to his wrists. He didn't reply, wondering if the other was going to come up with his own assumption Andrew wouldn't deny as he didn't want to lie to him but Nat was a little shit by nature so he waited with that stupid half smile and dumb doe eyes. He looked so gentle he would barely believe he was a child of the notorious murderer.

He exhaled smoke as he sighed, offering the hand he didn't hold the cigarette in towards the other so he could take a look himself. Nat knew better than to double check and gently tugged the hem of the armbands lower so it reached the bottom of AJ's hands. The scars were new, certainly not something that would heal any time soon, if ever. Something horrible had to happen back with Aaron and Nicky but he wouldn't push as it was still recent. He counted seven of them, wondered how many were engraved on his other forearm. "Can I touch them?"

"Yes,"

Andrew closed his eyes, inhaled a long drag when Nathaniel's thumb slid across the scar he left on his body as the first one. His touch was nowhere near repairing the broken tissue but it eased at his soul to have Nat see and touch. If his mind was a wild, fatal-to-anyone-inexperienced river before, it was nothing more but a weak stream now. The alarms in his head stilled, the world's buzz went quiet and the tension from his muscles was removed. Nathaniel's fingers slipped from one scar to another like he was playing the longest, most melodic song on a piano Andrew felt vibrating within him. It was a musical orchestra around him, clearing his perception of the world, making it something more bearable, something to live for.

Nat observed him, watched the way AJ's constant frown turned into a look of momentary peace and almost smiled to himself. This was the first time he was seeing the old AJ he remembered. He guessed nothing was going to be the same but he didn't think for a second he couldn't adjust his life to fit like a puzzle piece into Drew's. His gaze slipped from the other's forehead to the curve of his nose, noticing the way his dirty blonde lashes barely touched his cheek. He tilted his head while his eyes wandered lower to his lips as he brought the cigarette to them and stuck the filter in. The smoke followed out of his mouth so he moved his attention to his jaw, burning the curve of it into his memory from left to right. Eventually, he pulled the armband back in its place, withdrew his hands and tucked them into his own lap.

"Have you met anyone interesting?"

Andrew was close to a scoff but held it back, handing Nathaniel the cigarette so he could puff it for a while before it ran out. "No,"

"Have you kissed anyone?" This got him a squint and a judging look that made Nat bump his shoulder into Andrew's. "Shut up. Have you?"

"Do you want me to answer a question or do you want me to shut up?"

_Smartass._ "Answer,"

"I have," They were fifteen. The guy from their school was older but not of age, blonde with green eyes and an intelligent humor. He shared cigarettes with him when they snuck out of P.E. classes. He never touched him, probably sensed that no one but his brother, officially, could lay a hand on him. He respected when Andrew asked him not to spread gossip about him being gay, kept his hands to himself when he leaned in for a kiss. It was Andrew's first kiss that included his consent and even though he'd rather have it with Nathaniel, it was the best second choice scenario he could think of. The rest of the kisses he shared with other men weren't really worth mentioning, if any were.

"What was it like?" he asked as he handed the cigarette back to its rightful owner.

Was he truly the best person to ask? No. But was he the only person Nat would ask? Yes. "Pleasant," Rough. Demanding. Neverending.

"How do you know when you like someone?" Curiosity killed the cat but Nathaniel Wesninski had more than nine lives and surely put them to good use, especially by asking questions Andrew would already glare people to death for.

"It depends on each person, Nat. We all perceive attraction differently,"

"A girl kissed me, while you were gone. I didn't mind it but it didn't blow me away either. You know how the others talk about girls? I don't understand it," Yes, the strong talk about spreading a girl's thighs open and fucking her into tomorrow was the school talk Andrew would rather tune out but there seemed to be no escape. Horny teenagers didn't care about anything else but getting laid, or so it seemed. A jealous throb tugged at AJ's chest about some random girl being able to get intimate with his Nathaniel that way but he pushed the idea deep down and tied it to a rock of guilt so it stayed on the bottom. "I thought that maybe... if I listened to girls talking about boys I'd understand more but I didn't either,"

Not gay either then. "It's called being asexual," he explained as he tossed the filter away and tucked the pack into his pocket. "It means you have very low to no sexual attraction or a desire for it. It's nothing you should be ashamed of,"

Nathaniel ducked his head for a while, fingers tugging and the laces of his shoes in thought, probably processing what he'd just been told. Could it be? He never had a desire to jerk off like some guys in the school talked about and he certainly didn't want to fuck girls or boys. It was a strange concept but Drew was always reliable so he decided not to feel offbeat about it and brought his eyes back on his friend. "Thanks, AJ,"

Andrew gave one subtle nod to the oblivious idiot as he stared into the distance, wondering if maybe he could dangle his feet off the rooftop, maybe that would push out the idea of having a chance at the man beside him. "Did she touch you while I was gone?"

The silence filled the time again. He didn't want to cause another clash between his mom and Drew but he didn't plan on lying to him either. "She slapped me," Like ripping off a bandage. "For the kiss... she saw me with her,"

They didn't talk about anything else for the rest of the day but Andrew was sure of one thing;  _Mary Hatford will die._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad my boys are reunited again, even if there's a little shadow sneaking into Andrew's life again. Neil's for sure happy to have his best friend back. The Twinyard's relationship is a little rattled but Andrew doesn't want no thank you's and Aaron's not getting beaten back home anymore so it's a win win right?  
> little serious talk went down, which warms me at heart because Neil finally has someone to confide in, someone he trusts with his whole body, someone he knows will always aid him with /whatever/ he needs, someone who drags him to the exit when he gets lost. Neil's trust never wavered when it came to Andrew and vice versa. I'm emo  
> andrew still isn't above murder for the ones he cares for and I think it's obvious that yet another 'accident' is about to happen........................
> 
> thank you for your kudos and comments !!! a m a z i n g !!! you know I always love hearing your opinions. thank you for reading <3


	7. turn it into an empire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> domestic

Mary was never a woman that would bother twice about unnecessary things. She had to admit that picking Andrew up when he was only a child did come in handy in time, especially when she needed to flee the city they were staying in for either smuggling or work purposes. She had someone who would look out for her son, someone who'd rather eat a bullet than let Nat die. Surely, Andrew wasn't older by much but old enough to do what was necessary. She wondered, sometimes, what would happen to him if they left him behind. What would happen to him if she didn't pull him away from the hungry abusive hands. Maybe he'd have marks like Nathaniel. Maybe Andrew would have the iron burned on his body just like her son did. At times like this, when she could pity herself and her boy, she pitied her adopted son as well.

It didn't take her too long to figure out he was more than a physical abuse victim.

When he returned from wherever he went, he was different. Andrew was more aware of his surroundings, his skill with knives improved as well. They'd met outside during a stormy night for a smoke. Mary and Andrew didn't talk unless it was necessary. She didn't ask useless questions but she did wonder what hid beneath those black bandages she never caught him without. What was he hiding? "Do you have weapons under those?" she asked as she handed him a lighter so he could light a cigarette. It wasn't the one from Nathaniel, she noted.

"No," Andrew didn't show any emotion as he spoke and lit up the weapon he had in his mouth, considering the idea the woman just proposed. It wouldn't be such a bad hiding spot, now would it?  
Drew was handsome, but the darkness surrounding him wasn't something girls would like to deal with unless they'd gone through something familiar. She doubted he'd want to deal with such a thing. He was complaining about having to deal with her son ever so often (though she knew he enjoyed being around Nathaniel). 

She wondered what else could he have. It wasn't a fashion accessory as much as Andrew liked being dressed up according to the limitations they faced. He wanted to persuade her to get him this grey coat once. It would suit him, she could see what a gorgeous young man he'd be in it but they needed low profile. Maybe, some years later, he could own such a coat. She cared for him, even if she'd sacrifice him as if he was only an old rag for her son. Andrew had a good heart. "Did something happen to your arms?" she asked, unsure if it was a skin or muscle, maybe a bone issue.

"Curiosity will kill you and your son,"

Mary scoffed out a cloud of smoke before she shrugged like it didn't matter to her. It was better to not push Andrew. It made Nathaniel nag her about it for days.

* * *

"Do you think she's okay?"

"She can take care of herself,"

"What if he got to her?"

"Do you enjoy making up apocalyptic scenarios?"

"It's not apocalyptic,"

"Then quit acting like it."

"Andrew,"

"Nathaniel,"

The taller boy huffed a pout, receiving a glare from Andrew. Andrew hated when he pouted his lips like that, all stupidly attractive. Nathaniel had no idea how good looking he was, especially with those piercing blue eyes. Nathan was a monster, both inside and outside, but Nathaniel was a gorgeous, almost celestial being. How could two so alike looking people, related as well, be so different at controlling their nature. Surely, if Nathaniel stayed with his father, Andrew knew for sure he'd become an amazing murderer, carrying on the Butcher's legacy with his achievements. He didn't show it, but the Wesninski boy could be deadly at best if he was cornered, especially with his temper at peak.

"I'm worried about her," Nat remarked with a slump of his shoulders, looking down at his bare feet.

"Would it be _really_ such a tragedy if she died?"

"Andrew!"

The look Nathaniel addressed him made Andrew want to take a step back. It wasn't angry, he knew just what a rocky relationship Andrew had with his mother, but the indescribable fear, the loneliness lurking in his hues was haunting. Yet, it didn't change his mind about his plan to kill her.

"Raising your voice won't give you more legitimacy," he shrugged, putting his feet up into Nathaniel's lap. "Now quit whining and read,"

With arms crossed, Andrew dropped his head back on the edge of the worn out, brown as shit couch and closed his eyes. The silence that filled the room was the epitome of Nat's sulking which meant that his nerves of steel were once again going to be tested. He wondered if the other would go through with it but then -

"I don't think you deserve it,"

The tone was playful but Andrew's eyes rolled into the back of his head anyway while his foot shifted to poke and wiggle at Nat's side. The laugh was so genuine he had to wonder if it was something else that caused the reaction he enjoyed most of all. It was either Nathaniel smiling, all teeth with the little eye squint, all chest, no throat. Sometimes, if the situation allowed it, Nat dropped his head back, allowing Andrew to watch him without being caught. He remembered his throat moving, corners of his mouth turned upwards, eyes closed, lightly curled hair falling back. His shoulders rose and fell rhythmically and he couldn't think of a more beautiful view than when that happened.

Yet, Nat caught his foot, careful not to press his thumb into the plantar. He didn't mean to start a tickle war, as Andrew would knock his ass down on the floor and win, but he did want to tease. "Hey!"

"Didn't hear you. Did you say something? Read on, Nat. Jeez. Stop procrastinating,"

He kicked Nathaniel's hand away, as gentle as he could while staying rough to make his point. He seemed to get the memo, muttering 'asshole' under his breath as he flipped open the book and found the page where they ended.

"Nice to meet you, asshole. I'm Andrew,"

Even though his eyes were closed, he could feel Nathaniel's grin on his skin, tracing it with his fingers in his imagination, as dangerous as that place was. Right now, he felt as safe as he could.

* * *

 

"Drew? You up?"

Andrew grunted from his side of the bed that was big enough for two boys only because they were both short and tangled their legs together in their sleep. His hand was stuck underneath his pillow, fingers pressed against the handle of the knife. Nathaniel had an identical one beneath his own. The other hand was pressed down in the space between them, facing the other but keeping his eyes closed. "No. Go the fuck to sleep,"

Nat's fingers poked at the middle of Andrew's hand as he nagged with that long 'come oooon' that could drive Andrew up a wall. "You up?"

Nathaniel's face was hit with a pillow, square into the middle of his face. Bet he didn't see that coming.  
It knocked him back as he made a soft noise of surprise before Andrew tugged the pillow back under his head and pressed his face into it. "Fuck, yes, I'm up.  _What_?"

"Are you done being a dick?"

"It's a long-term commitment. What do you want?"

Nat snorted as he wrapped both arms around his pillow, tugged it to him and scooted a little closer to Andrew. "I think I like someone." When no response came, he took at as a cue to continue. "It's from school,"

"And we need to discuss this at 2:06 A.M,"

"Drew," the ginger complained with a small laugh but Andrew could sense he was a little desperate and worried. He knew Mary would tear her son apart for even thinking about liking someone, even beat him if Andrew wasn't around to break her hand. Or arm. Or neck. "I don't know what to do,"

"So I'm your romantic encyclopedia because you learned it in a dream,"

He was bitter. Andrew felt like he swallowed ginger and it got stuck in his throat, slowly dissolving, leaving the awful aftertaste. It stabbed at his chest, spiky and uncomfortable but not deadly. His forearms itched, ready to flood his brain with thoughts he didn't want to battle, especially not with Nathaniel in the same bed with him. Oxygen was torn from him, held right at the tip of his lips but no matter how hard he tried, he knew he couldn't get it back.

Physically, the only sign of slight annoyance was the pitching of his nose and the slow opening of his eyes. Nathaniel wasn't allowed to have friends, wasn't allowed to speak up about his feelings with Mary around. Andrew knew he was Nat's only escape, the only living thing that was given the truth, full and uncensored. It helped Nat grow, emotionally and mentally, being able to let his feelings out with words and not punches. A calm, level headed conversation helped Nathaniel get mature.

Even if he had to swallow knives until his last day, Andrew was never going to take that away from Nat.

"No. You're Drew." Nathaniel had the most contagious smile he'd ever seen but the discomfort he was feeling inside him prevented his lips from tugging upwards in a reaction. No matter how much he swallowed, the lump at his throat and chest stayed in place. He didn't want to cry, he never cried anymore, but even a knife in his thigh hurt less than whatever was happening now. "She's very good to talk to,"

Andrew's hand slapped on his own forehead before it slid lower to cover his eyes. "Are you attracted to her?" Nat's silence was deafening, so Andrew removed his hand from his view to take a look at the confused deer in the headlights. "Do you want to touch her? Hold her? Fuck her?"

Nathaniel's blushing was fucking pathetic.

Andrew was even more pathetic for liking it.

"...no. I don't know. Maybe?"

"Do you get a boner when you think about her?" Andrew was way behind using careful language around Nat, especially in the state he found himself in. Upset, annoyed, impatient...

"...do you get boners thinking about people?"

"Answer,"

"No. Your turn," he muttered, pressing his face harder into the pillow but he kept his eyes glued to Andrew's tired face. 

"Yes, -"

"Who?"

Andrew was now wide eyed before a scowl set on his face, aiming it at the other, who was too busy trying be cute while pressing half of his face into his pillow. Fucking prick.

"I'm done with this conversation," he warned him as he untangled his feet from Nathaniel's, who wasn't very willing to let them go but did, eventually, so Andrew switched to his other side, turning his back to Nat. He could feel those curious eyes at his back but this time was nowhere near the right time to tell Nat he'd love to leave bitemarks on his thighs after sucking him off, not only because it was inappropriate, but because a boner was also very inappropriate in the middle of the night. "Spend lunch time with her. Get to know her. Think about her."

It took Nathaniel a few minutes to stop with the fiddling and shifting. He laid down, fingers pressing in between Andrew's shoulder blades before he let his whole palm rest there. Andrew's shoulders were already wide, radiating a protective vibe. Nat loved his back, the curves of it beneath his mostly black shirts, the way they flexed when he picked up something heavy. Andrew's body was beautiful. More beautiful than the girl's.

"Thanks, Drew," he whispered before he closed his eyes, leaned his head forward so his forehead rested on the nape of Andrew's neck. "For everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not forgotten! I've just been busy with personal issues and then I got my tooth pulled out so I was a little out of it + a mini vacation with no laptop... but I'm back with an itty bit of domestic andreil.  
> I wanted to show just how the ability to have one another formed these little children. I wanted to show how Neil feels safe because Andrew is his pillar and his rock while Andrew is more in touch with his mentality and less shut-down. Andrew is Neil's home and Neil is Andrew's reason to live. I love them to infinity and beyond, especially when they are such a good influence on each other.  
> This chapter is short, my beta doesn't exist.  
> Shoutout to everyone on tumblr who's posting TFC art and posts etc. It inspires me every day, keeps my feeling of the boys going so please, post and reblog your arts and text posts and ideas. I'll more than probably see them as the fandom isn't that big :)  
> ANYWAY; comments/kudos are always appreciated, I love discussing the boys and plot with you guys. Thank you very much <3


	8. one day I'll be king

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just tell me when t'stop,"

"I'm not sure if t'is's amazing or... really... strange," Nathaniel exclaimed, staring up at the sky.

"This is why I don't let you touch my stuff,"

The fifth chuckle of the night echoed around again, coming from the younger of the two. It nagged at Andrew's body, making the hair on the back of his neck stand up.  _From the cold, I'm sure._

Liar.

They were sitting outside on the grass behind the motel while Mary was once again gone, leaving the responsibility on Andrew's shoulders. She got used to it. It was convenient for her. It was also one of the reasons why she couldn't complain too much when her adoptive son stood up to her. He had a right to call her bullshit. Brushing these thoughts from his mind was difficult at first, but then Andrew's gaze slipped down to the stripe of skin on Nat's torso. He was wearing a general grey tee and some black pants, both just short and low set enough to allow Andrew to see a hint of a scar that went from Neil's side to his hip. His mouth got dry from the thoughts of placing his mouth on the damaged flesh and taste just how damaged it really was. His lips parted as he exhaled, holding the bottle of the cheapest liquor in his hand. It felt like it was blended with water but for Nathaniel, it was apparently enough. He was an inexperienced drinker, after all.

"Drew?"

_Nat?_ Andrew's gaze slipped up Nathaniel's chest, meeting the curious blue eyes. Uh oh.

"Distracted?" he asked as a slow, dare he say  **cocky** grin settled on Nat's face. If it was malicious, it would look exactly like Nathan. But the eyes that held so many secrets and burdens were gentle, kind and daring. It was the sort of eyes Andrew liked looking into before a kiss.

He couldn't answer though, because he didn't want to confirm, but judging by Nat's reaction, he failed anyway so he brought the bottle to his lips and dropped his head back to finish it.

Nat prompted himself on his elbows, eyes widening lightly as his grin turned into a smile. "What d'I get for makin' you speechless?"

Andrew's eyes rolled back into his head as he tossed the empty bottle to the side, listening to the sound of breaking glass before he glanced at Nat again. He was extending a hand towards him so Andrew took it, pulling Nat up so they were both sitting. It wasn't enough for the ginger, who shifted closer until their knees were touching. Andrew's fingers were itching for Nathaniel's skin so he grabbed the cigarette pack from his pocket. "What do you want?"

The loud  _I'm thinking thoroughly_ noise echoed around, making Andrew snort because Nat was too buzzed to think clearly and properly to ask for something actually dangerous. It was probably going to be exy related. 

"Close your eyes,"

The eyes in question flipped up to Nat's anyway, mid-lighting a cigarette. He put the cigarette down on the grass beside him, dropping the lighter right next to it. "Tickle me and I'll kill you,"

Andrew could feel Nathaniel's smile sooner than he could see it.

"I know. Now close your eyes."

He didn't want to listen but he trusted Nat more than any other being on the Earth.

"You're not gonna... stab me in my face, are ya?" Nathaniel asked with a smile as Andrew replied almost immediately, like he expected the question to come up.

"Depends on how stupid your request is,"

"Just tell me when t'stop,"

_That's it_ _?_ Andrew thought but soon enough he heard Nat lean forward, towards him, and his hot breath on his cheek. He didn't want his whole body to tense, he didn't want to freak Nathaniel out but he also needed to stop himself for taking something that wasn't his to claim, as much as he wanted it to be.

Nat watched Andrew's body language, waited until Andrew looked less freaked out before he pressed his cheek against Andrew's broad shoulder. "I don't want you t'leave again," he whispered, unaware of how much the other was fighting a shudder, unaware how his drunk mind made it seem like all of this was okay when in reality, it was more affection than Andrew expected Nathaniel to share. Nat's hand settled on Andrew's thigh by his knee, an area he knew was a green light zone, to prompt himself properly so he could lean closer and brush his nose along the skin of Andrew's cheek. He breathed in that scent of smoke and alcohol and  _Andrew_ , the smell that lulled him to peaceful sleep and a good morning. He knew what his cologne was, even tried applying it himself but it was never the same without Andrew's body sweat. He didn't understand why those thoughts rushed through his mind. Maybe if he shifted again, he'd think of something else.

He skipped pressing his face into Andrew's neck and lightly bit down on his shoulder. He could feel Andrew move, but it wasn't a flinch. It was the equivalent of a body eye roll. 

The grin was set on his lips again as his mouth traveled down Andrew's arm. He didn't roll down the armband but he knew exactly where the scars were and dragged his lips along those, keeping his teeth to himself until he reached Andrew's thumb and bit down again.

"Hungry?" Andrew asked and Nathaniel ended his game, leaning up to look at Andrew and grin in response while AJ's hand rested in his own. He was so afraid to move, afraid that Drew will withdraw and never let him hold him again. 

"No," he remarked, still grinning at Andrew in the same cocky manner. Even though he acted annoyed, Nat knew Drew wasn't made of stone and certainly felt  _something_ he didn't show. It was his additional sense. Speaking Andrew.

His mind wandered what would happen if he did try to nuzzle at Andrew's neck, what would happen if he -

"Stop,"

Nat's head jerked up, sober all of a sudden. His hand was relaxed though, and Andrew wasn't withdrawing from him, yet he pulled the red card. Was there something he missed? A sign? A move?

_No_.

It was that easy.

All he had to do was say no and Nathaniel stopped dead in his tracks to a dangerous path Andrew didn't want to go through. He knew Nat wanted to go all over again, sniff him from head to toe, but he couldn't bear feeling him that close without gripping his hair and tilting his head to kiss him like he'd wanted for way too long. It was a dangerous game to play, especially with something that felt so dead and cold in his chest. 

"I'm freezing. Let's go back inside,"

* * *

 

Neil didn't know it yet, but he wanted to kiss Andrew too.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live!
> 
> Have a short ass drabble for now. I have not forgotten about the fic but real life kicked in and yada yada.
> 
> Let me know what you think! Kudos and comments are always appreciated <3
> 
> I promise next chapter will be longer.


End file.
